How to Talk to Men About Mental Health

How to Talk to Men About Mental Health

“Men don’t cry.” “Man up.” These are phrases most of us have heard at some point in our lives. But behind these words lies a significant problem: many men struggle in silence when it comes to their mental health. The numbers are concerning—men are far less likely than women to seek help, and societal expectations often keep them from opening up. Yet, research shows that many men are willing to talk about their mental health if the right conditions are created. It’s time to break down these barriers and open up real conversations.

Understanding the Barriers

Men face unique challenges when it comes to discussing mental health issues. The stigma around mental health, coupled with societal norms of toxic masculinity, can make it hard for them to express their struggles. Fear of being judged or dismissed as “weak” often prevents men from talking to someone about their mental health. This fear is further compounded by the concern that they might burden others or be seen as less capable. Understanding these barriers is the first step to breaking through them and creating a safe space for men to express themselves.

Setting the Right Environment

Starting a conversation about mental health isn’t as simple as sitting down and asking, “What’s wrong?” It’s crucial to create a supportive environment where a man feels comfortable. One of the best strategies is to use activities to ease into the conversation.

Walk and Talk: Going for a walk, suggesting a drive, or doing an activity like fishing or hiking can help. This “shoulder-to-shoulder” approach is often more effective than a sit-down, face-to-face conversation because it feels more natural and less confrontational. The focus isn’t entirely on them, which makes it easier for them to open up.

Create a Safe Space: Make sure you’re in a quiet, relaxed setting. Whether you’re sharing coffee or taking a walk, the goal is to ensure the environment feels safe, supportive, and free of distractions.

Conversation Starters for Men About Their Mental Health

Opening up a conversation with men in your life about their mental health can be tricky, but it’s doable with the right approach. Start by making simple observations or referring back to topics you know they’ve been struggling with.

• Use Observations: Instead of launching straight into deep topics, begin with something you’ve noticed. For instance, “I noticed you’ve been quieter lately. How’s everything going?” This approach is less invasive and more supportive.
• Revisit Known Stressors: If a man has previously mentioned a stressor, such as a tough project at work or family concerns, check back on it. “How’s work going these days?” or “Are things getting any easier at home?” Using this tactic shows that you care and are paying attention.
• Use a Rating Scale: Sometimes men may struggle to articulate their emotions. A helpful strategy is to ask, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how are you feeling right now?” This simple question can be a non-threatening way for them to share.

How to Ask the Right Questions

The language you use is crucial in encouraging someone to talk about their mental health. Open-ended questions that begin with “what”, “how”, or “when” give men more room to express themselves, rather than limiting their responses to yes or no.

• Avoid Clinical Terms: Many men may be put off by terms like “depression” or “anxiety.” Instead, frame the discussion in terms of “mental fitness” or “stress management.” For example, say, “You seem like you’ve been carrying a lot lately. There’s a great program that focuses on building mental resilience—might be worth looking into.”
• Reframe the Conversation: Replace phrases like “You need to see a therapist” with, “There’s a great workshop that can help you build mental strength. Might be worth checking out.”
• Stay Away from “Why” Questions: Asking “Why are you feeling this way?” can sound judgmental and put a man on the defensive. Instead, use questions like, “What’s been challenging you recently?”

The “Ask Twice” Strategy

Many men have a default response when asked how they’re doing: “I’m fine.” It’s a reflex, not a reflection of reality. The “Ask Twice” strategy encourages you to follow up when you suspect there’s more going on beneath the surface.

• Show You Care: When a man says, “I’m fine,” follow up gently with, “No, really, how are you? I care about you.” This second ask shows you’re genuinely interested and willing to listen, even if they aren’t ready to open up immediately.

Sharing Your Own Experience

Men are often more willing to open up when they see vulnerability in others. Sharing your own struggles can make them feel less alone.

• Normalize the Topic: You can say something like, “I’ve been through tough times myself, and I remember feeling overwhelmed. It really helped when I talked to someone about it.” This kind of openness can break down walls and show that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
• Build Trust: Being authentic and open can encourage a man to see you as an ally rather than someone judging him.

When to Get Professional Help

Sometimes a casual conversation is not enough. If you notice warning signs like increased isolation, substance abuse, or a loss of interest in hobbies, it’s time to encourage professional help. Movember, Men’s Sheds, and other organizations offer specialized resources for men who may be struggling.

• Offer Practical Help: Let him know about specific programs and resources. “There’s a group nearby called Men’s Sheds. They focus on wellbeing and mental health through shared activities—maybe it’s something to look into.”
• Recognize Red Flags: If a man’s behavior has significantly changed, don’t wait to talk. Address it directly but sensitively, and offer to support him in finding professional help.

Conclusion

Men’s mental health is a serious issue, but starting the conversation doesn’t have to be. By using a mix of the right environment, thoughtful conversation starters, and a non-judgmental approach, you can make a difference. Remember, small conversations can lead to significant changes. Taking the initiative to talk to a man about his mental health could be the first step to helping him live a healthier, happier life.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health challenges, Triony Behavioral Health is here to help. Call our admissions team today at 888-689-1432 to start your journey toward better mental health and wellbeing. Don’t wait—reach out and take the first step toward support and healing.